Excerpt from the Diary of Mickey Callaway – a New York Mets preview

10:00 AM CDT on July 30, 2019

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February 28, 2019

Dear Diary!!

I am so, so fired up for this season! Brodie did some BIG WORK acquiring players for the team over the winter and we've got Robby Cano to plug in at second base, and a BRAND NEW CLOSER in Edwin Diaz! This guy's stuff is nasty! Wilson Ramos is gonna be our catcher, and I think the 2019 Mets are gonna make some LEGITIMATE NOISE! I'm feeling GREAT! Well, at least a lot better than Brandon Nimmo! LOL learn to cook bro, amirite! Well, time to get some shut-eye!

Your Friend,

- Mickey

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March 27, 2019

Dear Diary!!

Soooo it's been awhile! Been busy with the squad in Spring Training but the SEASON STARTS TOMORROW! Sooo hmmm what's been up? Jacob DeGrom got str8 up PAID! WAY TO GET IT, JAKE! Things got a little hairy with our flight for this workout at Syracuse. Thor went a little crazy over it, haha, that guy's great. They just announced that this kid Pete is going to make the Opening Day roster. That's great! I just know he's going to be a super awesome hitter that swats dingers like gangbusters.

Your best guy,

- Mickey

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March 28, 2019

Dear Diary!!

Ahhhhhhh!!! WE WON!!!!!!

SUPER STOKED!!!!,

- Mickey

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April 15, 2019

Dear Diary!!

Things could NOT be more exciting. We're in first place in the NL East! We had a big win in extras today! I knew Jeff McNeil (I call him 'Jeff in Left' LOL!) was gonna be the real deal. HE'S HITTING OVER FOUR HUNDRED! Remember that kid Pete I told you about? He's already hit six homers maybe he will win the Home Run Derby???

One pretty weird thing did happen lately. On Saturday, our pitcher Jason Vargas was simply DREADFUL out there. The media talked to me about it and I made an accident. People are laughing and saying it's funny but I hope I didn't hurt Jason's feelings. He's trying his best and I know he's going to turn this thing around. The guy is a winner and I love having him on this team. GO METS!!

Very truthishly yours,

- Mickey

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April 16, 2019

Dear Diary!

Remember when I said yesterday that Jason had a DREADFUL outing? Steven Matz today was all like "hold my beer" LOL! We'll get 'em next time.

Love,

- Mickey

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May 1, 2019

Dear Diary,

We didn't score any runs today. I told you before about our closer, Edwin. He had a mostly great first month but he's oopsed away two straight tie games in the ninth. I'm sure he'll be okay, but I'm a little sad right now. We've fallen two games back and have a .500 record. Plus, I'm starting to worry that Nimmo's cooking maladies have spilled over into his batting and that Robby isn't as great as he once was.

I just know we'll re-capture that early spirit. It's just a matter of time.

Love,

- Mickey

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May 19, 2019

Dear Diary,

I am soooooooo deep in frownville right now. We were just swept, okay? Swept! By the Miami Marlins! And we didn't even score in two of the games? What kind of team gets shut out by the Marlins!?!?

Making things worse, Robby has turned into a suuuuuper bad hitter. He doesn't even run out his awful double play grounders, and then he goes off and makes bad, false excuses that implicate the video board operator! What am I supposed to say to people when that happens? I must sound like a crazy person! They're calling me "embattled", whatever that means. I don't think it's a nice word.

What's a good song to listen to when you are sad?

Frustrated in Miami,

- Mickey

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May 20, 2019

Dear Diary,

Yoenis? Seriously?

Dumbfoundedly yours,

- Mickey

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May 21, 2019

Dear Diary,

My third baseman, Todd Frazier, is in a tiff with the short guy on the Nationals. I love Todd and think the whole thing is hilarious. "Pay off your mortgage." Good one Todd!

We all need a good laugh sometimes.

Love you,

- Mickey

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May 22, 2019

Dear Diary,

Deadspin is not a very nice website. The have an "LOL Mets" label and are saying that I'm a puppet and might get fired and that I'm in way over my head.

What if they're right?

Am...am I a fraud?

Questioningly yours,

- Mickey

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May 26, 2019

Dear Diary!!

Everything's going to be okay! We're back at .500 after sweeping the Nasty Nats and the Terrible Tigers. That's just what I like to call them LOL! I'll tell you what, Adeiny Hechavarria may be a lousy hitter (don't tell him I said that!) but he came through with a HUGE three run homer today! Big outing from my guy Zack Wheeler as well! The Tigers used some guy named "Daniel Stumpf" in relief. Stumpf Stumpf Stumpf. LOL!

I think that this is the start of something special for this team!!!

- Mickey

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June 4, 2019

Dear Diary,

Nope.

Ughfully yours,

- Mickey

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June 18, 2019

Dear Diary,

People are laughing at me again, and it's only because I'm looking out for my players. Jake is my best pitcher! He's a star! I don't want his ERA getting messy because some bum reliever came in and allowed guys he left on base to score. So I used Gsellman! He's been my guy all year. Makes sense, right? Well some NEGATIVE NANCY is making it sound like the fact that we were ahead by eight runs should've been a factor in the decision.

I wish people could just let me do my job. I'm trying really hard. Why are there no articles about how hard I'm trying? How much I love my team?

Your very best friend,

- Mickey

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June 23, 2019

Dear Diary,

Wow, where to begin.

So I told you how big a fan I am of Jason, right? Well he stepped up today in a big way. Some fuddy duddy reporter, Healey, started asking questions in MY clubhouse about how I manage MY team. So I got a little mad! I used some language that was...let's say, more PG-13 than I would ever want to put in here. And when the reporter wouldn't leave? Guess who came to the rescue? That's right, Jason! I won't tell you what he said (more PG-13 stuff, LOL), but he charged straight at the guy. He totally has my back. Loyalty is a rare thing in this day and age.

I'm sure they're going to make me apologize or whatever. I'll do it. But Healey is such a gosh darned nogoodnik. Between you and me, my apology is going to be.....INSINCERE AS HECK!

Wryfully yours,

- Mickey

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June 27, 2019

DEAR DIARY

I AM VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY MAD RIGHT NOW. WE JUST LOST ALL FOUR GAMES IN PHILADELPHIA AND EDWIN GAVE UP FIVE RUNS IN THE BOTTOM OF THE NINTH TO LOSE IT AND I JUST CAN'T ANYMORE. WE HAVE GOOD HITTERS. WE HAVE GOOD STARTING PITCHERS. BUT OUR BULLPEN IS SUCH A DRAG AND I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANY TEAM WORSE THAN US ON DEFENSE. IT'S DRIVING ME SOOOOOO INSANE I WANT TO EXPLODE!!!!!!!

I DON'T EVEN CARE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!

- MICKEY

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July 7, 2019

Dear Diary.

Brodie got so mad at me and my staff today that he threw a chair. A CHAIR. Who throws a chair, honestly? We lost a baseball game today. If we didn't lose, he probably wouldn't have done that.

No one appreciates what I do or how much I love this team. It's not fair. I care about the 25 guys in the clubhouse, all the guys upstairs care about are wins and losses. If all the good I do is going unnoticed, why bother. Every day feels like a struggle.

Alonefully yours,

- Mickey

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July 12, 2019

dear Diary,

The Marlins beat us again. what is rock bottom? Have I reached it? whatever

- Mickey

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July 18, 2019

dear diary,

the giants walked off on us today. who cares.

- mickey

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July 19, 2019

dear diary,

the giants walked off on us today. who cares.

- mickey

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July 21, 2019

dear diary,

the giants walked off on us today. who cares.

- mickey

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July 27, 2019

dear diary,

today, brodie got us marcus stroman. maybe he likes to watch ground balls leak through our awful infield. i used to admire brodie. he seemed like such a nice person until i saw the darkness inside. now i look at him and see a sad, sad man who hasn't yielded to the utter pointlessness of this game. i guess i can't fault him for being blind to it. i once was.

- m

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July 29, 2019

dear diary,

brodie traded jason away today. he's probably trying to make me feel angry.

i kind of wish it worked.

- m

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July 30, 2019

dear diary,

i've been thinking a lot about the meaning of life. i've felt confused for a long time, but i think i've finally figured it out. i was eating at a restaurant called "arby's" and it suddenly dawned on me.

i was once a happy man. for close to two years i've poured my heart and soul into the new york mets and the new york mets have reduced my time, my effort, my energy, my heart, my joy, my pain, and my sorrow to...nothing. nothing at all. everything about my time here, even the unpleasant stuff, like going 1-5 against the Brewers, barely registers with me anymore. it all feels so purposeless, because the new york mets drain the essence from all things good and bad.

the meaning of life is therefore as follows. to the extent one is involved with the new york mets organization, there is no meaning, no purpose. to the extent one is not involved with the new york mets organization, the meaning of life is to get -- and stay -- as far away as possible from the new york mets organization.

anyway, i have to go, at least as much as i "have to" anything. we're playing the chicago white sox tonight. some people call them "the mets of the american league".

yeah, ok, sure.

- m

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Probable Starting Pitchers