PREAMBLE
We all know several important things about Jerry: He's cheap. He's old. He doesn't give as much as two (2) shits about the fans. He seems to be leaning toward wanting to live forever. So I say, let's work with that and find a solution in which he gets what he wants, while we fans get at least one great shot at another WS title. And we do it all with an actually CUT to the budget. It's so simple, I find it hard to believe JR hasn't already pursued it. We bring back the dead.
COACHING STAFF
- Hitting coach: It doesn't matter, but for the sake of the living, I'll let Getz decide.
- Pitching coach: As above.
Again, only the handful of living players will actually need these, so I'll leave it to Getz and Venable.
ARBITRATION-ELIGIBLE PLAYERS
- Mike Tauchman: Non-tender
- Steven Wilson: Non-tender
- Derek Hill: Non-tender
This is a very short-term plan, so there's no need to bother bringing back any of these guys.
CLUB OPTIONS
- Luis Robert Jr.: Buy out for $2 million
- Martín Perez: Buy out for $1.5 million
Sadly, Robert Jr is going to be nothing more than a bench bat on this team, so buy out and wish him the best among the living in another city.
FREE AGENTS
No. 1: Minnie Minoso (1 year, $54K) see below. LF is now in the finest of hands.
No. 2: Zeke Bonura (1 year, $54K) see below. There might be flashier names for filling 1B with a dead guy, but Bonura is a SM fan favorite and will put some butts in seats, as well as providing 20-plus HR power.
No. 3: Johnny Mostil (1 year, $54K) see below. A long-time Sox mainstay, he'll cover CF with heart, hustle, and speed. Not much power, but we can live with that with his D and massive OBP.
No. 4: Danny Green (1 year, $54K) see below. Going way back here and we might want more power out of a corner OFer, but I'm confident Green could thrive in the live ball era while still maintaining stellar OBP.
No. 5: Urban (Red) Faber (1 year, $54K) see below. Not just an all-time great, but also a personal favorite, so I'm looking to him to lead the rotation and serve as a mentor to those players still living.
No. 6: Hoyt Wilhelm (1 year, $54K) see below. Could almost be a BP by himself, but will certainly be the anchor here. Can literally serve any role as needed. No.
7: Ed Farmer (1 year, $54K) see below. Seriously, how could we not?
No. 8: Ted Lyons (1 year, $54K) see below. Another all time great who will serve as a mentor to the living guys.
TRADES
None. Except between Jerry and the Devil, and that's none of my affair.
SUMMARY
My plan is intended to win now, right-damn-now, but I'm not unmindful of the future, so I've tried to create a roster filled with very productive very-veterans while providing plenty of PAs and innings for those living players who might be around AFTER this upcoming season. However, we know we have some gaping holes and I've filled them at minimal cost and no killing anybody still alive just to make them available. So here's how I arrive at the "salaries."
We all know that dead guys will work for essentially free, but getting them resurrected is the sticky part. Apparently, per some internet research (what other kind is there?), a solid, good quality necromancer will work for two (2) souls per one resurrection. The Minor League minimum in 2025 was just shy of $27K for A level players. Hence, each of my acquisitions can be had for a rounded up $54K.
So my 8 "free agents" can be had for $432K. Almost everybody else is making chump change except for Benintendi, and I'm saving JR so much money he might even eat that contract and still come out ahead.
STARTING ROTATION:
Faber
Lyons
Smith
Martin
Burke / Gomez
BULLPEN:
Wilhelm
Farmer
Vasil
Leisure
Taylor
Let Spring sort out the rest (I'm not unreasonable)
LINEUP:
C: Teel / Quero
1B: Bonura
2B: Sosa / Meidroth
SS C. Montgomery
3B: Mead / Vargas
LF: Minoso
CF: Mostil
RF: Green
DH: Rotate it, hell, even keep Benintendi around for some if you want, Chris.
BENCH:
Let Spring sort it out. And Baldwin. I like Baldwin.
